Just more ramblings and experiments with anger, confusion and rage..02/90

Every morning when I get up, I promise myself I will do, well, I will not do two things.  One of them is drink.  I am having some success with that.  The other is: I will not partake of the news, in any of its' forms, regardless, if it is TV, radio or print.  I'm having a bit of a problem with that one.  The main problem is my ego, but that is also my life's main issue.  (More on that later.)  The secondary problem is the news itself.  I, when watching, listening, reading, etc. tend to wallow in it.  I let it wash over me like the stinking foam found on a Jones Beach shore line after a distant storm.  All the shit, all the refuse, dredged up and fragrant as it defuses through the western Atlantic waters.  (Mme, tasty)  It pollutes my thoughts and moods.  And I gladly, willingly, ernestly allow it such hold.  I lose myself in its' pain, in its' blood, in its' tragedy.  I pretend to myself that I am moved to use the examples put forth and go out and change the world.  (When it see's me coming, man, it'll, the world will have to stand up and take notice, donate to the cause, cannonize me.  (Chuckle, maybe giggle, maybe not))  Then I spend time dwelling on just how effective, just how majestic I will be with "my solutions" to all of the world's ills.  I make Walter Mitty seem downright restrained, prompt, coherent, sober.  I go on to lose myself within the weave.  I waste my enery, ambition, drive.